©1993 by Steve Macdonald

Flash steps into the throne room
Dale is held by Emperor Ming
Ming gestures and orders surrender
Flash’s weapon starts to sing:

Eat hot photons, laser breath!
I just love those old B movies
They’re classics of the cinema art
My girlfriend says, “They’re all the same.
How can you tell them apart?”
She can’t understand
Plots so brilliantly planned;
A lone man can hold off the Horde
I just love those old B movies

The alien lies dead in the jail
Now the robot will waste the Earth, it seems
The sweet young thing watches in terror
Then like Klaatu told her, she screams:

Eat hot photons, laser breath!

Jim Kirk stands on his knees
Where the red shirted body lays.
McCoy’s tricorder clicks and beeps
He shakes his head, looks up, and says:

Eat hot photons, laser breath!

I just love those old B movies
They’re classics of the cinema art
My girlfriend says, “They’re all the same.
How can you tell them apart?”
She can’t understand
Plots so brilliantly planned;
They gave this robot Hitler’s brain;
I just love those old B movies

Rhett picks up his fine straw hat
Scarlett enters the scene from the rear
She says, “Rhett, where shall I go? What shall I do?”
And Rhett says, “Frankly, my dear:”

Eat hot photons, laser breath!

I just love those old B movies
There’s no way you can get confused
Watch Santa Claus beat up those Amazon women
Watch houseplants and slime molds abused.
The Blob ate Leslie Nielsen (well, we could hope)
Or did it eat Gort?
Or did Captain Kirk kill it with a phaser
Did it die with a snort? Or did it . . .
I just love those old B movies.